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Euro Biz: A Tribute Poem

Callum Macdonald

Every Friday afternoon at newsdirect
we await in suspense and with bated breath
an email as long as it is indeterminable:
The European Parliamentary business schedule

At this labyrinth legislature, everything’s on the table
From the niche and provincial to the global and high-level
On each issue an “exchange of views” or a “state of play”;

Our team scans the lot and sends it your way


From cattle tags in Denmark to Russian propaganda
The use of sweeteners in bakeries to fisheries memoranda
Whether it’s tackling Jihadism or the licensing of yachts
These Brussels bureaucrats consider the lot

But that’s not meant as a dig or to sound Eurosceptic
The politics of Spanish table olives can get pretty hectic
Whatever your view on Brexit, Greece, Juncker or Nigel
One things seems clear: these diplomats ain’t idle

Sometimes, though, you wish they’d cut the jargon
And just focus on issues like emissions of carbon
Or human rights in Yemen and fighting anti-gypsyism
Rather than the effectiveness of the reciprocity mechanism

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